matt hyland On Sunday, 4 October 2009

my project is going down into a split hair my essay is about social stereotypes and the portrait is about how people look at me and view me and the style that I would like the image to be, I'm currently looking at four artists Lucas Samaras, Egon Scheile, Banksy and Tibor Kalman.

Lucas Samaras and Egon Scheile are two artist that I need to look at more in depth. (I do admit) But Bansky and Tibor Kalman are my artist that I'm going to look at for the social stereotypes.

Bansky and Tibor are both linked through the way of how they socially challenge peoples views. Tibor Kalman created the image of the queen and Anold Schwarzenegger as coloured to through the question of why and how we pacieve people, when looking at his book, it also was verry socially pollitical. (As the same with Banskys artwork)

These both question social limmits to how we think.
In the aspect that they're both telling the truth.

(Now my portrait)

As I have said I'm looking at Lucas Samaras and Egon Scheile, I'm looking at Egon Scheile through the way that he had difficulty on how he viewed himself. He hits me on a personal note of mine, as me , my self have problems on how I'm seen up on, due to the way I sometimes act or behave in public, due to my asperger, I've never stopped my self from being my self and wont mask my self infront of others, and try to be as honest as possible.

I my self, I feel that I have probblems in, on where to look socially, how to look socially, how to express my self facially socially. I sometimes get feers in wether I'm looking at the person propperly, wether I'm staring or looking to much or, not so much. I'm verry mysted to how people feel or look at me socially, but due to grate amaizing friends lots of these questions have I've moved on from. Although one true friend, I still get very upset about due to something happenning, and even now I live in pure regret to what happend, I tried my hardest for it not to happen the way it did, and even now, I choke up to the way it happend, and live in hope for it to resolve to the way it always was, before it ever happend...

When going to councelling as I admit this now, the question to who I am raised up and ended with a battle of me trying to link things from my world to the social world. Like a bridge of understanding. In a world like contexed, I feel cold and confused and isolated, always trying to figure out what things mean, trying to puzzle things together, never understanding through what and how people mean, trying to look at things in many difforent ways and throwing questions at them, like for example, Y a shoe? cant it be a car or a fish? I lock into actions and motions repeating things around in my head my a broken record, or even a turn table full of random objects that lock into place, the tower of objects keep building, and my mind keeps werring around and around.

Some people I find they say that they take an event and throw it asside and forget about it and move on, but when an event happens to me, it ends up ontop of the heap of the ever rotating tower of my mind, but eventualy topples or falls off in time, but due to having stuff with in.

I also feel that I have an inner self, but locked away, like an image what I should be doing and how I should be like or how I should act, this part of me is an area that is hard to explain.

when this comes down to my portrait I would like my portrait to be of me, but of my self going into my self, and my inner self locked and chainned up, while my portrait being distorted in the style of Lucas Samaras, I geus even this blog can count as now apart of my identity, I've asked close freinds to email me on how they view me and see me to help me out more on this project...

^Too much thinking^

Some of these feelings that I may post, you may even say that you your selves get these very same feelings, so there for I am never one to judge or challenge.

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