matt hyland On Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Monday i found the lecture very interesting as it broadened my way thinking about identity, and how many past artists have looked at self portraiture in many ways.

portraiture is a narrative, as we look more into the image we see our own story about that persons life. Our face and actions are sometimes a lie to what we're really thinking, feeling and knowing on the inside.

for example Egon Scheile, the dude as we all see hated himself he tore out his eyes and saw himself in this way.

But this guy, he seems very honest to the way he likes to express the truth about the way he sees himself. I strangely can relate to him... As i sometimes I used to have these sorts of issues my self, the way I sore my self was different to the way other people sore me. And even now I get a bit self contuse to the way i act due to me having Asperger and tapping and saying and stuff that some of you may have witnessed, but now what I do now is just relax...

After this I went to the library, to look at books and to doodle with in my sketch book, I doodle to capture anything that falls out my mind, I started looking at the prospect and questioning whether and why does a portrait have to be a physical face of your own?. I remember a time in lectures about a year ago, I start drawing my current feelings about people, what people may think about me, how i see me at that time, how I feel what the current lecture is making me feel and about the current mood I was in and surroundings of life at the time. But I did not draw it, objectively i drew it like a flow, like happy, sad, angry, and i drew the feelings as they came to mind. some people didn't see anything with in the drawings that i had created, they just thought they where just odd abstract melted random shapes on a page.

Mean wile i was also brain storming ideas about what the portrait could look like, playing with black and white, but mixing with colour, and just free flowing ideas down onto the page.

But here are some examples of what I did and what i was feeling at the time, Alison asked certain questions that prompted my mind to think, and the flow would just fall out onto the page as i drew...

But I'm not thinking of these as a final post of my ideas, this is just a path that I'm thinking and maybe taking and swinging around it and evolving it more... and another thing, i don't want to fall into the trap of what some artists where they put a line of paint on the page and say "its took 5 years to figure out how i feel about something and this is it" and then they're sitting there proud, and people actually sitting there thinking OMG!... But no these are done in a matter of a small amount of time trying to capture the current feeling of life, on a page, (life or emotion) at the single point in time, so every drawing is difforent.

How this links to identity, is again our mask, of what we're feeling on the inside to what we're feeling on the out side as we evolve through time. I also lernt the other day that the reason why we age is because our cels are trying to re copy the previus cel, but as we get older the origenal cel code gets harder for it to regenerate exactly like the cel before it, for example. Like a game of chineese wisperes u wispa the word into the first person eir, and by the end of it the word is scrambled, but elements of that origenal word is still with in the scrambled word.

(ps i hope I going down the right road for this project fill free to comment) :)

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